You Don’t Have to Believe Everything You Think
How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy helps us stop fighting ourselves and start building a life that matters
One of the most freeing realizations I’ve had in recovery—and now in the work I do—is this: you don’t have to believe every bullshit thought that pops into your head. Sounds obvious. But let’s be real—most of us live like our thoughts are gospel. I spent years ruled by shame, fear, and mental loops that told me I’d never change, never be enough, never feel peace.
ACT cuts through all of that. It doesn’t sugarcoat pain or feed you some toxic positivity bullshit. It says, yeah, life is hard—and your brain will say some wild shit—but you still get to choose how you show up. That simple shift changed everything for me. ACT gave me a way to stop letting my mind run the show and start building a life that actually means something.
Making Space Between Thoughts and Action
At the heart of ACT are six core psychological skills that help you stop reacting like a puppet and start living with intention.
Cognitive Defusion: Instead of being tangled in your thoughts, you step back and notice them. You go from “I’m worthless” to “I’m having the thought that I’m worthless.” Huge difference.
Acceptance: Stop fighting your damn feelings. Let them be there without trying to numb, run, or bury them.
Present Moment Awareness: Get your ass out of the past and stop time-traveling to the future. Be here. Right now.
Self-as-Context: You are not your pain, your trauma, or your worst day. You're the observer. The awareness. The one who's still standing.
Values: Figure out what the hell actually matters to you. Not what looks good on Instagram. What lights your soul on fire.
Committed Action: Do the shit that matters—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
That’s ACT. It’s not magic. It’s movement and action.
Emotions Are Not the Enemy
We’ve been sold a lie that emotions like sadness, shame, or anger are problems to fix. We say stuff like “I don’t want to be sad anymore” or “I just want this anxiety to go away.” And I get it. That pain is real. But here’s the truth most people don’t want to hear:
Your emotions are not the enemy.They’re teachers.
I had a client recently who told me they couldn’t let go of the shame they felt for abandoning their kids. They’d used fentanyl for years trying to escape that feeling. That shame wasn’t the problem—the avoidance was. My job wasn’t to slap a feel-good quote over their pain and move on. It was to help them sit in it, listen to it, and learn from it.
Because shame, when it’s not weaponized, almost always tells us something important: your actions and your values are out of alignment. That’s it. When you start acting in ways that line up with who you actually want to be, the shame starts to dissolve. Not because you buried it—but because you finally heard it.
Behavioral Goals > Emotional Goals
ACT is big on setting behavioral goals instead of emotional goals—and for good reason.
Saying “I don’t want to be anxious anymore” sounds great. But you can’t white-knuckle your way into peace. You can’t control your emotions. That’s just the truth. But you can control what you do. And that’s where the power is.
“I’m going to get out of bed and walk around the block.”
“I’m going to show up to group even when I feel like shit.”
“I’m going to tell the truth, even if my voice shakes.”
Those are goals you can crush—even on your worst days.
Also, quick gut check—if a dead man can do the goal better than you, it’s probably a trash goal. Don’t be sad? Don’t use? Don’t mess up? A corpse can do all of that. You're alive. Make goals that reflect that.
The Path Isn’t Easy But It’s Clear
ACT won’t promise you a pain-free life. But it’ll give you a map. A gritty, honest, no-BS path that says you can bring your pain with you and still move forward. That you can stop the war with your inner world and start building a life around what matters.
That’s what I come back to. Not “how do I feel better?” but “how do I live better—even when I don’t?” Whether I’m helping a client sit with their shame or dealing with my own self-doubt, ACT reminds me that I don’t have to wait until I feel perfect to take action.
I just have to take the next right step. Again. And again. And again.
That’s where the magic is.
